so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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