Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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