You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
