i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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