sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
