youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
