I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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