Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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