I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
