We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
