Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
