i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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