So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
