i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
