your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You ruined the universe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
