I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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