i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
