We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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