Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
