to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
