Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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