You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
