he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
