How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
