It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
