Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
