There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
