All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
