I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
