haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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