I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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