I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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