My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
