drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
