I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He has the fingertips of a God
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