when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
