My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
