So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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