You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
