My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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