at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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