Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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