I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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