Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
