At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
