What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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