I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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