I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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