It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
