i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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