I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
