My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
