9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
