is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
