i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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