Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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