Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
