im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
