Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
