I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
