Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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