I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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