Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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