mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
