He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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