Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
