She even gives head with a lisp.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
