It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
