That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
this is an emotional support booty call
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
