Christians are straight up FREAKS
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
