You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
