I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
