Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
