I'm pants shitting drunk right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
