Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
