he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
