She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
