I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
