Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
