okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
