I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
