Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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