Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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